BREAKTHROUGH! TRIUMPH! one of the greatest nights and joys of my life - and more!

It's the honest truth, no exaggeration! This is one of the greatest nights of my life, and one I will remember and cherish eternally. I don't recall ever feeling more pure joy regarding something in my life than I have felt tonight.

You see, tonight was the first time in my life I have ever sung karaoke. I've been in several karoake places or parties with karoake machines before, but this was the first time I ever had the nerve to do it. I've felt such inferiority regarding my singing in my life, and truth be told, I was pretty inferior, even worse than I realized, given the feedback I've received from my extremely competent, gifted, and wise vocal instructor, Stacy Walker. However, over the past 3 years or so, I've received singing instruction from her, and grown tremendously, despite generally not having the time or discipline to practice like I ideally should. There have been numerous times, though, that I have perceived that God has moved me beyond the level of my human efforts. I am not even undergoing the training mainly to be able to perform well in public, but because I am a songwriter, and I've found I need to sing my own songs at some level so I can communicate them to someone else decently. I was so broke at the beginning that someone else, who wasn't too well off himself, paid for a half hour lesson each week for several months until I could take over (although still then and now financially strained). Until now, the only public singing performances I had ever done were in her studio's recitals, and believe me it was very nervewracking to do so, and a few practices hoping in vain to sing in a Christian organization. One leader who heard me even said he was phrasing things nicely when he told me that singing was not my gift and it would take me five years of training to be any good. I mean, I sang in church and stuff, but I hoped I was quiet and blended in enough that nobody clearly heard me. I rarely wanted to take any lead, and never for a whole song, especially one I hadn't sung before or even heard in years.

Tonight changed everything, though. There were about 10 of us who, after attending a dance (which was awesome too), went to Happy Karoake (that name became an understatement for me!), on Buford Highway near 285, got a room just for us, and sang for about 3 hours. I largely went because I wanted to hang out with these folks and hopefully have some fun, even if I couldn't contribute much. At first I was content to observe and sing along with the group. There is a huge list of songs available, so eventually I picked songs that I liked, or thought everyone would like, or were popular pop/rock songs at least in my mind, and I wanted to sing them on one of the two microphones in the room - in some cases having secretly wanted to sing them competently for even a decade or two or more. After each song is sung, you are given a rating, which tended to be pretty generous. The first song that I sung, a song that I had loved since childhood, perhaps because of my intense love for dance (and I have finally been taking a class there and achieving wonderfully), is Dancing Queen. That song has a pretty high melody line for me, because I have a low voice but fortunately a lot of range, and I have been emphasizing my chest voice and not my falsetto in singing lessons for the past couple of years. Also, the song is over 30 years old, so I haven't exactly heard it often since my elementary school years. However, much to my pleasant surprise, I found that I could largely hit the pitches, and I got a score in the high 90s. It was even comparable to the other person who sang with me, a lady friend who is a music educator who performs in an orchestra.

As time went on, I continued to grow in confidence and desire to sing out. Sure, I clunked some notes and phrases at times, but at least I could recognize when and basically how much I was botching them, which I could not do when I started music lessons. Mind you, I don't remember ever singing any of these songs completely through in my life, if I'd even actually sung a few phrases at all, and most were from the 70s-90s, so I hadn't heard them much in a decade or more. Given that we sang pop/rock songs, I found myself largely in falsetto when singing with the group. I proposed something, especially given this trend, that would challenge me, and I had nowhere to hide if I messed up: to sing, with the previously mentioned musician, a duet of All I Ask of You, from Phantom of the Opera. I was able to adjust my voice and performed fairly competently in my mind, not having the greatest tone but hitting many pitches, and got a similarly high score. This thrilled me, and over time I found myself wanting the microphone and even singing on it for several consecutive songs, although I don't have the greatest vocal or lung stamina and my throat was getting kind of raw. Then again, there were numerous times I held notes on pitch for long times, even longer than the original music does to, well, show off what I could now do after years of work! At times I danced simultaneously as well. I sang Purple Rain, Unforgettable, Unchained Melody, and many others decently, and actually got a perfect score of 100 singing Footloose. Two ladies took the microphones to sing My Heart Will Go On, saying it is too high for me, but I found that I could even sing that (an octave below the melody line I think). The high point of my singing in my mind came on the last song I sung, which was actually after 3:30 am and after everybody else had left the room. Heaven was listening though! I sang the Alan Parson Project's song Time, which I always wanted to sing. Given that it wasn't tremendously popular and was released 27 years ago, I likely had not heard it hardly at all in the past two decades or more. However, I essentially nailed it, except that my voice cracked some because the chorus melody is at the top of my vocal range, ands the song is slow. I got a score of 99. It sounded so good to me, especially after having to really pull on the memory banks to remember how the music precisely goes, that I am immediately considering it as a possibility for my next recital.

I told the front desk worker at Happy Karoake what a thrilling, breakthrough experience I had, and left the place absolutely on cloud nine. I even danced around alone in the parking lot across the street some, and called a couple of friends and told them about what I felt. This is absolutely a breakthrough in my life, and I can build on it from this point. I feel confident to pursue other singing opportunities that I have previously been afraid to do. I feel like a "would be singer" who just got the "would be" removed! I know I do have a long way to go to become a truly excellent singer, but I have had real victory tonight, which may just be a realization of what is already there but what I could not discover until I stepped out to see what I could do at the risk of doing lousy in a public situation. In a few hours, retreating from something in fear has turned into wanting to run toward something in confidence. Actually, all these intense positivity comes less than 12 hours after being in a state of grief, even frankly in a state of questioning God. Friday evening, I had found out that Rasha, who is age 21, lives in Egypt, and is a sister of a friend's boyfriend was pronounced as having less than 48 hours to live due to a severe case of yellow fever that had shut down her liver among other things. A number of us prayed, with a huge amount of faith and inspiration, for her healing. At about 4 PM our time, I got word that she passed away. My faith for healing has grown drastically in the past few months, even the past couple of weeks, and I've seen amazing healings happen, in person and on the television, so I, and others too, had real faith that something would happen too. So when I got this news, I felt so grief-stricken at this tragedy, even though it was someone I did not know and had only heard of less than 24 hours before, because I had never had so much faith before that someone in such a desperate situation would be healed by my and others prayers. I couldn't help but question why this happened, and sought counsel from someone who has trained me in healing ministry. I still don't know, and don't know when or if I will.

Ironically, but perhaps not coincidentially, when going over the words in my head, I realized well after singing Time tonight that the song would be a good one for a memorial or funeral song. However, it would not entirely be appropriate for a Christian memorial/funeral because of lyrics such as "Who knows when we will meet again, if ever". Those who are Christ's know that we will all meet again in heaven and live forever. Therefore, I have done some modifying so the lyrics can be in accord with Christian truth, and I present it to you at the end of this communication and dedicate it to Rasha, who a few others will see again and the rest of us will meet in heaven. Death is frequent in this world, but new life is even more frequent, and one day death will be eliminated forever.

Let this be a reminder, if not a lesson to us, to listen to the messages that our hearts repeatedly send us to pursue something that gives us life and joy, even if others, or even we, believe that we will never achieve much - not that high achievement is required to make a pursuit worthwhile. Those messages might very well be from God, given as a clue to His purposes for us. What happened tonight could not have occurred without me finally pursuing, in the face of my own lack of human ability at first and my lifelong cloud of discouragement in the area, costly training over a period of years, then daring to believe and take action to hopefully find out that I might do something halfway decently despite all that was against me, and then discovering that I could perform at an even higher level, with help from God who "is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we can ask or think, according to the power that works in us" (Ephesians 3:20). I mean, I go in the span of hours from the sorrows of tragedy to the thrills of triumph, and then apparently realize that the latter has a connection and can minister to the former, even to people who are half a world away. Who can do this but God? Praise Him, love Him, and serve Him forever!

Well, now "tonight" has become "tomorrow morning" (Sunday), so I will end this and attach the lyrics:

"Time" by the Alan Parsons Project, with some changes by Matt

Time, flowing like a river
Time, beckoning me
I know that we shall be again
Together
But time
Keeps flowing like a river
To the sea

Goodbye my love, it may seem like forever
Goodbye my love, The tide waits for me
I know that we shall meet again
I'll see you, my friend
But time
Keeps flowing like a river (on and on)
To the sea, to the sea
Till it's gone forever
From the world forever
Gone forevermore

Goodbye my friends, But not for forever
Goodbye my friends, The stars wait for me
We know where we shall meet again
In person
But time
Keeps flowing like a river (on and on)
To the sea, to the sea
But it's not lost forever
It's gone into heaven
Where we'll live forevermore

refrigerator magnet message

Perhaps you have seen those magnets, typically put on refrigerators, with a bunch of words, and you can put the words together and make phrases and sentences. Well, they have some of those magnets with many Christian related words here at the new International House Of Prayer Atlanta facility. I put several of them together and this is the message:

frantically scream shake your body rejoice loudly praise & worship Jesus every moment always in freedom

Worship In Spirit And Truth

John 4:23-24 says, “But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.” The hour has now come because He has now come. The veil is taken away, and we can behold His glory (2 Cor 3:16-18). His sacrifice has cleansed our sin and given us access to His throne (Heb 10:19-22). We are seated in heavenly places (Eph 2:6). As the book of Revelation shows, much worship is occurring around His throne. This is the worship that He desires, born in Heaven, enabled by Heaven through Christ in us, and returning to Him in Heaven.

The next statement in verse 23 could be troubling, because if there is true worship, and true worshipers, then there must logically be false worship and false worshipers. Fortunately, a definition, and indeed a requirement, of true worship is provided: Worshiping the Father in spirit and truth. True worship comes from the spirit of God. The spirit of God guides us into all truth (John 16:13). To reach true worship, we must shed the influences of our flesh and brain, allowing Christ in us to develop His mind in us so the expression of Heaven will come forth. We must also shed the influences of religion, tradition, culture, and for that matter all of man's ideas and systems. We cannot stop in one place and say that we have found THE way of worshiping God. Yes, there is one Holy Spirit, one truth, and God is always the same, but He is always moving. We don't drop anchor in one spot, we always have our sails up and go where the wind of God blows. Furthermore, every person that is His is unique, and thus has a unique expression of Christ in himself or herself, and because people are being and will be born, there is a continual parade of new expressions of Christ coming to earth. For that matter, those that are already born are growing up into Christ (Eph 4:13-15), so new expressions of Christ are coming forth in each of us.

True worship is not static, but dynamic. We will never come to the end of discovering more and more of the riches of who God is (Rom 11:33), so there will never be an end to the richness of the true worship of Him. True worship is from The Eternal in us, is to The Eternal, and lasts eternally. Some say they want to go to Heaven, and others point out that Heaven is coming here, but Christ has declared that the hour has come for true worshipers, so a piece of Heaven has already come, not only in us, but through us in true worship, transforming the body of Christ and the earth into a habitation of God in the spirit (Eph 2:22). May true worship and worshipers keep arising, so that the fullness of Christ and our love for Him may grow in our hearts, the fullness of the bride of Christ may come forth, and the fullness of Heaven will come to earth through Christ returning.

The Promised Land

Exodus 15 is the Song of Moses, which he sang after they escaped the Egyptians by miraculously crossing the sea. Verse 17 expresses confidence that God will bring them to the land He has for them, and it will be a place where He will dwell. Stacy's song “None Like You” expresses it as a habitation of praise. Israel made it to the promised land and dwelled there. God also made it to His promised land – the habitation of praise in their hearts. Praise was a key to further conquest, with Jehosaphat even putting the musicians ahead of the army. As we know, Israel eventually lost their promised land and went into captivity. This happened because God (in them) went into captivity because of their worship of other gods, so He lost His promised land. Their loss had to follow.

We as Christians have a promised land. This is typically considered to be Heaven. God also has a promised land, which is more than a habitation of praise in our hearts – it is Christ Himself, through the Holy Spirit in our hearts. Many Christians basically want to go to Heaven, and some even have an escapist mentality, waiting for the rapture to come (which it never will with that mentality). However, God desires Heaven to come here. He desires us to praise Him, allowing Christ to completely conquer our hearts so we may be the pure and spotless bride that He longs to come for. We are to come together in corporate praise as well, so we may be built together as a dwelling place of God in the spirit (Eph 2:22). He desires to use us to expand His tangible kingdom influence on earth, preparing the way for Him to come again. Second Peter 3:12 says we can hasten the day of the coming of the day of God. Praise will do this. We must be a praising people who do not allow Christ in us to be captured by the world and its gods, or we will lose our promised land because Christ has lost His in us.

Let praise arise in your people, oh God! May we enter your rest through praise (Hebrews 4), and may none of us succumb to unbelief, doubt, discouragement, or distraction. The earth is yours and all its fullness (Psalm 24:1). We give the fullness of the landscape of our hearts, our families, our workplaces, our churches, and every place we go to you. We commit ourselves to following your commission to us (Mat 28:19-20), transforming the world by your power in us, praising all the way, longing for you to come as your Spirit desires (Rev 22:17), and hastening that time.

Why Am I A Wild Worshiper?

Why am I a wild worshiper? I believe that is who I was made to be. I cast no dispersions on those who were made to be mellow, although I wonder how mellow one could really be if he or she encounters the supernatural, ever-burning fire of the love of God that nothing can extinguish (Song 8:6-7). By the way, that is where my nickname FlameOfYah comes from. It is a literal translation of the last part of verse 6. I have seen translations such as “a most vehement flame”, but they are just plain inadequate. God is the only definition of the flame that He is. None can compare. We can only hope that through Christ in us, we will be limited examples, blazing ever brighter as His flame burns away all that is not of Him, extinguishes the darkness in and around us, and lights our individual parts of the world, a beacon drawing all to Him. He does not just light the way, He is Light and He is the Way.

I am walking out, no, check that, running, dancing, jumping, laughing, and without inhibition loudly proclaiming my healing. I was so crushed and withdrawn as a child, not because that was who I am, but because who I am met with disdain from the world I was in, or in some cases I feared it would, and huge amounts of negative emotions churned within me all the time. Maybe only through God's grace did I live through this. I believe the extreme positive was there somewhere, but it was surpressed. Well, guess what, now it is out, and it is never going back in. Even if my physical life is taken, my witness on earth will still remain, and my eternal life in heaven is assured. You can throw cold water on me, and in my human weakness it might have some effect for a while, but through the true Flame of Yah living in me, you can never extinguish me. Like you cannot control the wind in the natural, you cannot control the wind of His spirit blowing in and through me, fanning the flames and carrying them to unpredictable places. Like my t-shirt says, I am an overcomer, not just an endurer, running the race until I see His face, living, not just existing, thriving, not just surviving. I will trample the enemy's works under my dance steps and drown out His voice through my unrestrained lips praising God. Anointing, proclamation, healing, deliverance, liberty, comfort, beauty, joy, and praise are all mine (Isa 61:1-3). Minds, hearts, spirits, and destinies will be set free. I will be used mightily by God, and only because of God, to help others become wild worshipers too, hastening the coming of the day of God (2 Pe 3:12), where all that is not of Him will be burned away, and all creation will worship Him forever. Submit to God now, all of you who oppose this mission, because it will become very hot for you one way or another, so let it be through wild worship, encountering the ever-burning Flame of Yah.

The Unfinished Song

One of my greatest frustrations with the creative process has been the inability to finish what I start. I literally have multiple hundreds of unfinished ideas or songs. In some cases, the music is basically there, but the words are incomplete. However, especially in recent years, I have worshiped anyway, even for much of an entire day. I realized this afternoon that the words or music are not the what ultimately matters, but the encounter with the Lord. Human lovers, or even friends, can spend time together without words or music and enjoy the time, so how much more can each of us do so with Jesus - our creator, our savior, our redeemed, the lover of our souls (despite its places of darkness), our bridegroom, our elder brother, the one who calls us friend. Indeed, I can regard the words and music, or fragments thereof, as bonuses, little kisses to or from heaven. I feel like a weight is being lifted off of me. As the song goes, I'm coming back to the heart of worship, and it's all about you, Jesus. Though the music or words may not be all there, if I am all there (or even if I'm not), warts and all, He is all there, and we meet – creator to created, savior to saved, redeemer to redeemed, lover to beloved, bridegroom to betrothed bride, brother to brother, friend to friend. Incompletion is completed in Him. He is the author and finisher of our faith, so He is the author and finisher of the song we are to Him.

Finding the Song of the Lord

It's a challenge, at least to me. I am not even sure the title is correct. Should it be "a song" instead of "the song"? I mean, you could say that whatever the Lord deems to be His song is THE Song of the Lord. However, could it be that each one who chooses to worship Him in spirit and truth (John 4:23-24) has a piece of that song through Christ in each one of us, and the sum total of those songs, plus all aspects of the song that Christ has not chosen to reveal at this time, equals the Song of the Lord? I imagine at some level, it is not just about expressing ourselves through what humanity commonly calls a song, but that our lives are an instrument of the Lord, and the "song" of the example of Him living in us is to be heard by a world that desperately needs Him. Scripture says we are the fragrance of Christ (2 Cor 2:14). I pray that I grow more in tune with who He is and who He made me to be, so that I am the sweetest smelling aroma to their ears, so to speak, to move them to worship the Lord who gave Himself for us.

At the Trammell house church tonight, it was mentioned that we are hidden with Christ in God. Therefore, to find who we are (in Him), we have to know the Him that we are in. Thus, to find the Song of the Lord, we have to find and know the Lord of the song. That will take an eternity, so it behooves us to always be pursuing it. This process is more than just head knowledge, and more than just searching the scriptures (John 5:39-40). If He is our savior, He is in our hearts, His deep calling to our deep to fellowship with and unite with Him so our heart is His heart. Then our heartbeat is one with His, our being resonates with His, His sound for us becomes our sound, and His song is expressed through us. That is what I hope to find in greater and greater measure, and that is what I hope to live.